Taoism: Shit happens. Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens." Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. Zen Buddhism: What is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism: This shit happened before. Mormonism: This shit is going to happen again. Islam: If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah. Stoicism: This shit is its own reward. Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else. Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. Pentecostalism: In Jesus' name, heal this shit! Catholicism: Shit happens because you deserve it. Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time. Marxism: This shit is going to hit the fan. Atheism: No shit. Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays. Existentialism: Absurd shit. Agnosticism: What is this shit? Nihilism: Who gives a shit? Deconstruction: Shit happens in hegemonic meta-narratives. Christian Science: Shit is in your mind. Moonies: Only happy shit really happens. Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, Knock, shit happens. Scientology: Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard Hare Krishna: Shit happens, Rama Rama. Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening. Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
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